It’s the start of a new week. I feel I have a lot to look forward to this week.
Last night was a hard night for some reason. I talked to my three sponsees, which went well I think, although I feel that sometimes I need to talk less.
After talking with them, I came right to bed. Beck was fast asleep so I checked scores on my phone and then went to bed. (I need to stop doing this, as it is a weapon of war not worth unburying.)
I had weird dreams, and I woke up a couple times during the night because my back was hurting.
Then, when I got up this morning, we were talking about Brigham Young’s history and I looked it up and found lots of information about him, some of which seemed conflicting.
I don’t understand the whole polygamy thing at all. Brigham was married to 55 or so wives, some were never married before, some were widows, and some even had husbands. He was divorced from some of them and only married to some of them for life, not for eternity.
Why did the men back then do this?
Was it a big mistake in the leadership of the Church or was it necessary as part of the restoration?
Ultimately, my conclusion is that Joseph and the leaders of the Church at the time were not necessarily for plural marriage, but were commanded to practice it for a time either to help “increase the seed” of membership in the Church, tie families together (which is now done because when a new family is sealed together, they are also sealed to their parents, thus, sealing the families together), or in order to help support a woman who had lost her husband or didn’t have the religious or financial support she needed.
I’m grateful that this isn’t the case today, and I’m so grateful to be married to my sweet heart who I never want to hurt again.
This couldn’t summarize the article better:
If a husband will put his wife’s needs above his own, his love for her will increase.
During my addict self, my needs were always put ahead of Becky’s (or anyone else’s for that matter), and I was miserable and angry and resentful.
But today I want to put her needs first, I want to “recover what has been lost,” I want to earn back the trust I’ve damaged so badly due to my choices.
President Eyring goes on:
“It will take faith and humility to put her interests above your own in the struggles of life,” President Eyring says. “You have the responsibility to provide for and to nurture the family with her while serving others. That can at times consume all the energy and strength you have. Age and illness may increase your wife’s needs. If you choose even then to put her happiness above your own, I promise you that your love for her will increase.”1
I want that faith and that humility. I feel often that I’ve been compelled to be humble because of my choices. I’ve put myself in a difficult and dangerous situation where I could lose everything that is most precious to me.
As I was driving the kids to school, I was thinking about the conversations I had last night with my sponsees. I would say the recurring theme was that the recovery process has to be more important than anything else in my/their life if we want to change and feel and recover from our addictions. Sure, other things will be important too, but I have to be willing to give everything and anything up in order to make up for all the pain and trauma I’ve caused Becky.
Every day is a new day. Going to the temple the other day with Becky and the Morris family was really hard. I was hopeful that it would be ok, but I could tell from the moment we got in the endowment room that it wasn’t. I would look over at Becky and could feel that it wasn’t ok.
It caused me to feel sick to my stomach.
How could I have been so thoughtless and selfish?
On our way home after eating dinner with the Morrises, we talked about how she was feeling and things didn’t go well. The temple session can be a bit confusing, especially for the wife who is making covenants with her husband, committing to him as he commits to the Father.
What if the husband is a scum?
What if the husband makes terrible choices?
What if the husband cheats on his wife?
What if the husband doesn’t follow the will of the Father?
Then what for the wife?
Is she then just on her own?
I’m not sure but I think these are the questions going through the mind of Becky and probably many other women who’s husbands have fallen into forbidden paths like I have.
This counsel is good:
“…brethren, your foremost priesthood duty is to nurture your marriage—to care for, respect, honor, and love your wife. Be a blessing to her and your children.”2
There is nothing more important that to nurture my marriage – to care for, respect, honor and love my wife.
I like this counsel too:
“Be considerate and kind in the tender intimacies of your married life. Let your thoughts and actions inspire confidence and trust. Let your words be wholesome and your time together be uplifting. Let nothing in life take priority over your wife—neither work, recreation, nor hobby.”3
As grateful partners look for the good in each other and sincerely pay compliments to one another, wives and husbands will strive to become the persons described in those compliments.”
“Above all, do not be selfish! Generate a spirit of selflessness and generosity. Celebrate and commemorate each day together as a treasured gift from heaven.”4
Amen to this!
Selflessness – this is a key to true recovery.
I love Becky so much.
Each day I feel I love her so much more.
She is more than I could have ever imagined in a wonderful wife. She is my best friend. She is the best mother to our kids. She is so intelligent. She is so practical and logical. She is fun to be around. She is friendly and kind to others. She wants to do what’s right and thinks about things deeply.
She teaches our kids through her example of hard work and integrity.
I could never ask for anything more. I have been so selfish in the past, and I never want to put her through those terrible trials again.
I look forward to today with her.
I want nothing more than to help her and love her and cherish our time together.
I want her to feel that I’m here, I’m present, and that I love her more today than I ever thought was possible.
I want her to be happy.
I want her to feel safe and secure.
I want her to know that God knows her and loves her and is proud of her.
Here’s to a day in recovery.