I’m not sure the answer to this question.
But, based on a conversation I had recently with some friends I really trust in recovery, and based on the conversation I just had with my wife, I think it may.
Who am I writing for?
Who am I writing to?
Why am I sharing my thoughts and plans and feelings with the world?
Is it to be “seen” as something I’m not?
Is it to create a facade?
Is it to gain the praise of others?
The truth is, I don’t know for sure.
I could justify it and say I’m working Step 12. I could say I just want to help others.
But, at the end of the day, am I more worried about working my own recovery one day at a time, or am I more worried about the number of click-throughs I get on bit.ly or the traffic I get from Google Analytics? At least sometimes, probably the later…
Does this mean I want to stop the conversation and the discussion group? No.
But I may want to re-consider what I choose to share with the world about my own personal recovery.
What I don’t want to fall into is pride, a must-be-seen-as, someone who thinks he has it all figured out, when, in essence, I don’t and may never.
I want to share my voice. I want to keep things out in the light. But I don’t know if that means I share every feeling and action and thought.
Again, I don’t know the answer to the question I initially proposed. But I was told recently that nearly every couple that has been on a documentary or spoke at a conference or shared a blog or podcast – nearly every one of them has either since divorced or has fallen back into the addiction cycle.
Does that mean everyone has done that? I don’t think so, but I don’t want to be another statistic.
So, those are my thoughts right now.