The last few weeks, well, the entire month of July, have been quite crazy. We’ve been in Wisconsin for the whole month – or I was there for about 20 of the 31 days and B and the kids were there for the entire month.
During this time, I’ve had lots of time to reflect, to study, to read, and to work on my personal recovery.
Some of the things that I’ve done that have helped in recovery:
- Read the Book of Mormon almost every day (studied it too with the lds.org tag tool)
- Written in my journal quite a bit (some of which is on my phone in the notes section and not here)
- Worked hard at submitting my will to God via prayer in the moment I feel tempted to lust, get angry, or other triggers
- Read from other good books and articles
- Emailed B regarding my thoughts and the intent of my heart
- Gone to multiple meetings
- Gone to the temple three times
- Kept myself “anxiously engaged” in good causes
As I mentioned in the title of this post, I’ve learned quite a bit about addiction and recovery via my study of the Book of Mormon. It’s interesting: in times past the Book of Mormon has been about missionary work (during my mission), about patience and enduring (during my courtship with B), and now about submission and recovery (during the biggest trial of my life caused by my bad choices).
I told B today that it’s been really interesting to be reading right now about the Captain Moroni war times, about his preparation for war, about the epistles he wrote, about why he was doing what he was doing, and about the army of Helaman and their experience. Throughout much of the Book of Mormon to that point, there is quite a bit of sharing of doctrine and teaching about Christ. However, during the war time section, I feel it is all a big parable of how we can prepare spiritually for “times of war” – the fiery darts of the adversary, the battle of the carnal versus the spiritual mind and heart, and the overall test of this life.
I created a Tag list on LDS.org and these are some of the things I’ve noted and really focused on this time:
- addiction (84)
- agency (11)
- apostasy (17)
- awareness (6)
- be strong (1)
- carnal mind (85)
- casualness (33)
- Christianity (9)
- church (27)
- consequences of… (12)
- covenants (12)
- deliverance (67)
- faith (8)
- false prophets (10)
- fast (1)
- fear god (14)
- forgiveness (7)
- friendship (2)
- grace (10)
- gratitude (4)
- humility (10)
- journaling (17)
- justice (10)
- love (7)
- martyrdom (4)
- mercy (21)
- missionary work (2)
- patience (9)
- plan of… (7)
- prayer (39)
- pride (43)
- priesthood (13)
- recovery (50)
- repentance (39)
- resentment (26)
- scripture study (21)
- selfishness (3)
- service (3)
- shame (3)
- spiritual mind (41)
- submissive (108)
- testimony (5)
- the atonement (30)
- trials (18)
- trust (3)
- will (11)
I feel it’s interesting to look at the number of times I’ve tagged different things in my study of the Book of Mormon this time.
Submissive – 108
Carnal mind – 85
Addiction – 84
Deliverance – 67
Recovery – 50
I’m excited to continue studying the Book of Mormon with these topics in mind.
I’ve learned that to be carnally minded is death, and to be spiritually minded is life eternal.
I’ve learned that even the vilest of sinners can repent, recover, and turn their will and life over to God the Eternal Father and His Son Jesus Christ.
I’ve learned that those sinners can then be great instruments in the Lord’s hands to bring many to repentance and recovery from their carnal ways.
I’ve learned that this life is a war, a battle of will, a test to see how willing I am to submit my will to God and trust in Him to direct me for good.
I’ve learned that I can never get casual or let down my guard and say “all is well”. All is not well. I’ve caused huge trauma in the life of my wife and family. I’ve done irreparable damage to B’s heart, damage that only Heavenly Father can fix. The rest of my life must be a commitment to regaining the trust I’ve given up because of my choices.
I’ve learned that agency isn’t really free at all – either Satan can steal it away from me via my bad choices (addictions) or I can give it to God and be free from the bondage Satan wants to wrap me in.
I’ve learned that I must always be strengthening my spirit as Moroni built up fortifications for his people. As they strengthened things, they were not able to be touched by their enemies.
I’ve learned that reading the scriptures, especially studying them for answers, is a key component of recovery and rebuilding of trust.
I’ve learned that submitting my will to God is a practice that I can only improve on with time and effort on my part – I must always be aware and looking to God in all things and in all places.
I’ve learned that my wife and family are the most important things in my life next to God and Jesus Christ. What I do with these sacred blessings will determine my happiness on earth and for eternity. I can only do my best with God’s help.
I’m sure there are many other things I’ve learned but I feel this is a good start.
I’m grateful for how recovery feels.
I’m grateful for my wife and family.
I’m grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the effect it’s having on my life.
Hasta manana!
Nate
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