Today has been a pretty good day. We went to church, I said the opening prayer in Sacrament meeting, and the kids were pretty decent.
Not sure what has been bothering me all day. Here are a few thoughts:
- I think I had some weird dreams last night. I’m not even sure what they were about, but I remember dreaming about making an error in baseball and getting yelled at or looked down on by my coach and team. I also remember a part of the dream where the kids, particularly Jayden and Chloe, were standing on the edge of long drop off, then it went to one of them lifting the other up and falling over the deck. Then I woke up. I don’t know if this is why I have been off today a bit but maybe.
- We sat in the soft chairs today at church. This is hard for me for a few reasons: first, I feel like we are more watched when we’re up front. When we’re in the back, no one is looking at us and saying to themselves, “What are those kids (or parents) doing?” I know, it’s probably my own pride but it’s hard for me, especially when I feel like the kids are pushing the limits a lot and getting each other riled up. It’s hard as well when I feel I overreact to the situation and I feel Beck maybe under-reacts. We talked about it some tonight and I agree that we need to sit down with the kids and talk about reverence and expectations before I overreact and get mad at them.
- I think the whole Mandy situation bothers me a bit too. I know I don’t have any say in the matter, nor can I really say anything since I have made terrible choices myself, but I just don’t understand what she’s thinking. The new word is that she’s planning to transfer to Oregon State, maybe even next semester, to be closer to her churches program and also to be closer to her new “boy friend” Zack. This is a guy that she met at a summer camp for her church and who she hardly knows. She says she feels “God’s calling her” to go there – which is what we heard about Bethel as well. We all saw how that turned out. Anyway, not my business, but she comes to our house tonight to eat and is all decked out in an Oregon State hoodie. I just get a bit sick of it all and worry about Becky getting left high and dry.
- I think lack of study yesterday may be another factor. I need to establish a better routine on the weekends for study, prayer and connection with God. The weekend should be the easiest time to do this but I tend to let other things get in the way. I did study my scriptures Friday night but didn’t write or study at all yesterday. I think this could be having some effect today.
- I also feel stressed about my new calling as Assistant Scout Leader. I want they boys (and my companion) to catch the scouting spirit and really make progress and advance. I want them to love doing the things we’ve planned. But I’m not sure how far I should push the system. I’m not the Scout Master. And I want to have a good relationship with all those I work with. So I’m in a bit of a dilemma there as well.
Other than that I feel things are going fairly well. I’m a bit stressed about work and getting all the projects finalized that I have pending. I’m not sure where they BYU proposal is going to go or how that’s going to turn out. I have other deals that are pending as well. I’m currently at about 1/2 of my financial goal for the month and have some deals pending that project me to hit my goal.
I studied a lot tonight but am compiling it on a static page.
I love the Book of Mormon. I love how clear it is. I’m grateful for my study tonight and feel much better after reading and writing.