Day 19 – Step Work
Pray; read and ponder the scriptures
As you let go of pride and begin to consider bringing God back into your life, you will start to think in more prayerful terms. Eventually you will find yourself ready to kneel and pray aloud. You will find how good it feels to express your feelings and needs to God. You will feel you have reopened a conversation with someone who will always answer you, not always with a yes but always with love. At last you will begin to experience the healing effects of breaking out of self-imposed isolation.
How are you doing at replacing your pride with humility?
Well, first and foremost, I’m recognizing when I have a feeling, thought, or impulse that is based on prideful feelings. In the past, I don’t know that I ever thought this way.
I want to be humble. I want to be prayerful. I feel that as I submit my will to God in the moment of temptation, or even before the temptation comes, this is humbling myself before Him as well.
Describe the quality of your prayers at this time.
I feel they are better than they’ve been in the past, mostly because they exist a bit more now. I feel I’m getting better at the silent and on-the-go prayers where I just say a quick request for His help with a temptation.
I do feel I could be a bit better at kneeling and praying aloud for personal prayers.
I do feel I would like to be more consistent in personal prayer too. Today I said a morning prayer but may have got distracted in my thinking process. I did say a prayer before this study as well.
How has this changed over the past few weeks?
I’m not sure it’s changed too much over the past few weeks but it has changed significantly over the past year. I’ve been much more aware of the importance of prayer in my recovery. I’ve been saying personal short prayers quite a bit throughout the day, trying to submit my will over to Him.
I look forward to thinking more about this and how I can improve on my prayers.
Are you now or are you willing to pray regularly each day?
Yes, definitely willing. Do I forget sometimes? Probably. Especially for the personal prayers in the morning and at night. We always have family prayer, both in the morning and evening and for meals, but the personal prayer could probably use some work. One thing I feel good about is the couple prayer we have at night. This is almost like a personal prayer but it gives us a chance to share our feelings with Heavenly Father, many feelings being about the other person and our progress in recovery.
I know prayer is essential in my ongoing recovery from my addiction.
How have your feelings towards your Heavenly Father and the Savior changed or improved since starting this program?
I feel I’ve always had feelings of love and respect for Heavenly Father and the Savior, at least that’s what I thought. However, as I think about my actions, this has not been the case. I’ve deliberately disobeyed the teachings and recommendations He has given me through His servants.
I’ve not made either of them a high priority in my life in the past.
Today, though, I feel closer to them. I feel I am willing to rely on them for help and strength in recovery. I recognize more their hand in all I do. I want to develop my relationship with them each day.
Are you beginning to feel the Spirit more often? Describe how this feels.
Yes, I definitely am. One way I know I’m feeling the Spirit more is how I treat Becky and the kids. I don’t want to get angry with them or focus on their faults. Instead I want to be happy and peaceful and loving. This is the Spirit.
I also have things to talk about with Becky at night, many of which are spiritually related. This wasn’t the case at ALL when I was practicing my addiction. Instead I would just get mad, defensive, or not want to talk at all.
I’m grateful for the Spirit in my life. I’m grateful that I can recognize the difference in the feelings of the Spirit versus no Spirit.
I look forward to feeling the Spirit more in my life as I submit my will to God.
Are you beginning to trust the Lord more? Please give an example.
Yes, I think so. I feel that saying a quick prayer in the moment of temptation is one way I’m trying to show my trust in Him. I feel that working the steps of the program on a consistent basis and making it a priority in my life is another example of putting my trust in Him.
I am so grateful for all the help He’s given me in recovery from my addiction. Today is day 308 in recovery! There’s no way I could have done this on my own. I hope to go to a recovery meeting tonight in Salem before we head to Idaho tomorrow for my parent’s welcome home.