On Friday I finished my step work with my addiction recovery sponsor. It’s been 92 days of working on specific questions and activities related to my recovery from addiction to pornography, masturbation and lust. It’s been a great experience, and I’ve learned a lot about myself, my addiction, and ways that I can submit my will to God and live in recovery one day at a time.
Yesterday was really busy and I did a lot of service: helped Tyson & Laura paint their garage, hung pictures with Becky in the basement, took the kids to different activities, vacuumed the house, and a few other things. So yesterday I didn’t really notice not doing the step work that much.
Today, however, I feel like I need and want to do step work. I want to submit my will to God and live in recovery.
I know that sometime today I will be talking with my sponsor to go over steps 10,11 and 12. He will then talk to me about the next steps in recovery. I look forward to this.
The Addiction Recovery of the Anti-Nephi-Lehis
I think today I will study more about the Anti-Nephi-Lehis who buried their weapons of war as a way to submit their will to God and recover from addiction.
One thing that comes to mind as I’ve started reading about the Anti-Nephi-Lehis relates to why some sins are more serious than others. Obviously ALL sin will keep us from Heavenly Father and happiness and peace, but the sins that are really serious are the following:
- Murder
- Adultery and Sexual Sin
- Denying the Holy Ghost
Why are these sins so bad? Because of the consequences they cause, both for the person committing them and also for those who are affected by the choices of others.
I like this scripture in Alma 24 about the conversion of the Ammonites:
6 And as sure as the Lord liveth, so sure as many as believed, or as many as were brought to the knowledge of the truth, through the preaching of Ammon and his brethren, according to the spirit of revelation and of prophecy, and the power of God working miracles in them—yea, I say unto you, as the Lord liveth, as many of the Lamanites as believed in their preaching, and were converted unto the Lord, never did fall away.
These people never did fall away once they were converted. Why? What did they do that was different than members that did fall away?
Here’s one of the reasons, or perhaps the main reason:
7 For they became a righteous people; they did lay down the weapons of their rebellion, that they did not fight against God any more, neither against any of their brethren.
They became a righteous people. They laid down their weapons of rebellion. They didn’t fight against God anymore (this reminds me of the “Beware of Pride” talk – enmity towards God and man), and they stopped fighting against their brethren.
Here is another reason, perhaps, that they we so converted and never fell away:
18 …they began to be a very aindustrious people;
This tells me that they lost themselves in service to others: their families, their people, their neighbors.
It’s also interesting to read about what the king or leader of the Anti-Nephi-Lehi’s said when they were determining how they would defend themselves against their enemies:
7 I thank my God, my beloved people, that our great God has in goodness sent these our brethren, the Nephites, unto us to preach unto us, and to convince us of the atraditions of our wicked fathers.
8 And behold, I thank my great God that he has given us a portion of his Spirit to soften our hearts, that we have aopened a correspondence with these brethren, the Nephites.
9 And behold, I also thank my God, that by opening this correspondence we have been convinced of our asins, and of the many murders which we have committed.
10 And I also thank my God, yea, my great God, that he hath granted unto us that we might repent of these things, and also that he hath aforgiven us of those our many sins and murders which we have committed, and taken away the bguilt from our hearts, through the merits of his Son.
I added the bold for emphasis. One of the biggest changes they had made and one of the keys to their living in recovery was GRATITUDE to GOD for what He had done for them:
- God had sent them missionaries to preach unto them and convince them of the traditions of their wicked fathers
- God had given them a portion of His Spirit to soften their hearts and allow them to work with the Nephites
- God had helped them be convinced of their sins and the many bad things they were doing
- God had given them the opportunity to repent of their mistakes
- God has forgiven them of these mistakes
- God had taken away their guilt from their hearts through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ
I can say the same things really.
- God has sent people into my life to help me realize my nothingness and my mistakes: Becky, my children, the missionaries in the 12 Step Program, my sponsor, the facilitators, my Bishop and other brethren who are living in recovery
- God has given me a portion of His Spirit to help me soften my heart and realize what I’m doing to myself and to my loved ones
- God has helped convince me of the gravity of my sins and the consequences that will surely come if I continue down the path I was headed
- God has given me yet another opportunity to repent of my addictions and turn my life and will over to Him
- God has actually forgiven me of my sins and has blessed Becky to help her forgive me as well
- God has and is helping me be relieved of the guilt and shame I’ve felt for the terrible things I’ve done – this is all through submitting my will to Him and relying on the Atonement moment to moment
The king goes on to make a decree regarding what they are going to do next:
11 And now behold, my brethren, since it has been all that we could do (as we were the most lost of all mankind) to repent of all our sins and the many murders which we have committed, and to get God to atake them away from our hearts, for it was all we could do to repent sufficiently before God that he would take away our stain—
12 Now, my best beloved brethren, since God hath taken away our stains, and our swords have become bright, then let us stain our swords no more with the blood of our brethren.
I love this section of scripture; it applies directly to me too.
13 Behold, I say unto you, Nay, let us retain our swords that they be not stained with the blood of our brethren; for perhaps, if we should stain our swords aagain they can no more be bwashed bright through the blood of the Son of our great God, which shall be shed for the atonement of our sins.
This reminds me of the boundaries Becky was inspired to send to me – both boundaries of things I couldn’t do if I wanted to, at some point, gain back her trust, and also suggestions of things I could do in order to gain back that trust.
14 And the great God has had mercy on us, and made these things known unto us that we might not perish; yea, and he has made these things known unto us beforehand, because he loveth our asouls as well as he loveth our children; therefore, in his mercy he doth visit us by his angels, that the bplan of salvation might be made known unto us as well as unto future generations.
15 Oh, how merciful is our God! And now behold, since it has been as much as we could do to get our stains taken away from us, and our swords are made bright, let us ahide them away that they may be kept bright, as a testimony to our God at the last day, or at the day that we shall be brought to stand before him to be judged, that we have not stained our swords in the blood of our brethren since he imparted his word unto us and has made us bclean thereby.
This is a perfect example of SUBMISSION TO GOD!
16 And now, my brethren, if our brethren seek to destroy us, behold, we will hide away our swords, yea, even we will bury them deep in the earth, that they may be kept bright, as a testimony that we have never used them, at the last day; and if our brethren destroy us, behold, we shall ago to our God and shall be saved.
I love this declaration. I love that they are an example of recovery from addiction and from terrible sin.
I, like them, want to bury my weapons of war and keep them clean as a testimony that I have had a change of heart and no more disposition to fall back into those temptations again.
I’m grateful for the Book of Mormon and the lessons it teaches.
I’m so grateful for my wife. I can’t believe how lucky I am that she has forgiven me and continues to try to forgive me for the awful things I’ve done to hurt her and our family.
I’m grateful that, today, I’m willing to submit my life and will over to God and let Him direct my path.
I look forward to a day in recovery.
I’m grateful for the time I’ve made this morning to work on my recovery and write out my thoughts.
Hasta luego!
Nate
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