I’m excited for this new day. Becky and I seem to be on good terms again, which I’m so grateful for. I can honestly say that I had no intention to cause the pain and fear that I caused her the other day. I’m glad we were able to talk things out and I was able to make amends.
Today is going to be a great day. I have the day already planned out pretty well and look forward to being really productive.
Here’s my plan for the day:
- Pray – DONE
- Watch a Mormon Message with Caleb – DONE
- Take Caleb to school – DONE
- Finish my recovery work and study (30 minutes) – DONE
- Reach out to my new sponsee about when we can talk on the phone tonight or today – DONE
Work on Legends training (30 minutes)- Call with Becky Haughey (30 minutes) – DONE
- Call with Marcos Acevedo (30 minutes) – RESCHEDULED TO 1:00 – DONE
- Work on Legends more if needed –
- Prepare for BNI presidency meeting – DONE
- Review email – DONE
- Go to BNI presidency meeting (45 minutes) – DONE
- Remove email from Aspen Derm (5 minutes) – DONE
- Invoice Aspen Derm
- Invoice U of U
- Follow up with Ciara – DONE
- Review Legend training
- Go to Legend training meeting (60 minutes)
- Call with Ciara at 3:45 –
- Call with new sponsee later tonight
So that’s my day so far. I’m grateful to be able to write it out.
Now to my study for today…
What questions do I have on my mind?
What am I “hungering” for today?
One question that comes to mind is how I can help my kids, especially my boys, stay away from pornography and addiction.
I’m going to start by reading an article called “Talking About Tough Topics” at LDS.org.
…struggles, however, can be a chance for you to build solid relationships with your children as you foster an environment of love at home.
I’ve felt this already: Caleb and I have had some great talks about arguments he’s had with friends or how he feels bad at school sometimes. These have been bonding moments where I feel really connected with him. Opposed to the times when I’m angry at him, yell at him, and there is a huge wall of defensiveness between us.
President Hinckley said this:
“My plea—and I wish I were more eloquent in voicing it—is a plea to save the children. Too many of them walk with pain and fear, in loneliness and despair. Children need sunlight. They need happiness. They need love and nurture.”
So how can I help the kids find sunlight, happiness, love and nurture?
This article gives some suggestions:
- Ask questions that invite conversation: questions like “It looks like something is bothering you. What’s up?” It talks about how this questions not only acknowledges that you notice they are feeling bad, but it also invites them to open up and talk with you about their feelings. It then talks about a quality response: “Thank you for sharing that with me, and thank you for trusting me with this information. I can only imagine what that must feel like. How can I be helpful?” I really like this – especially the part about “…thank you for trusting me with this information:” I feel this will help Caleb feel that he is important and has important things to share.
- Listen to understand: Elder Nelson said this: “Can we listen without interrupting and without making snap judgments that slam shut the door of dialogue? It can remain open with the soothing reassurance that we believe in them and understand their feelings.” I like this suggestion too. I feel this is something I can pray for in the moment – especially when I can tell something is wrong. I can pray to be patient, to listen closely, and to not judge or criticize or shame.
- Show respect: It talks about this scripture in D&C 121:41-42:
41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
Focusing on these keywords is helpful: persuasion (not force), long-suffering (not immediate, forced compliance or impatience), gentleness (not loud, aggressive, intense communication), meekness (not proud or domineering responses), kindness (not cruel manipulation), and love unfeigned (genuine, sincere expressions of love).
- Avoid criticism: I really believe in this one. Caleb will never want to talk with me if, when he does, I point out how wrong he was or what he could have done different. Instead, I need to listen, ask questions, show him how much I care, and avoid making him feel shame or blame or guilt. The guilt is probably already there naturally, but I don’t need to add to it.
- Control your anger: “the spirit of contention … is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger” (3 Nephi 11:29) President Hinckley said, “I plead with you to control your tempers, to put a smile upon your faces, which will erase anger; speak out with words of love and peace, appreciation, and respect. If you will do this, your lives will be without regret. Your marriages and family relationships will be preserved. You will be much happier.”
One other article I decided to read was Step 12 in the addiction recovery manual. It is all about service, which I think is a crucial part of developing a close-knit relationship with my kids.
Some sections that stood out to me this time:
To remain free of addiction, you must get outside yourself and serve. The desire to help others is a natural result of spiritual awakening.
To get outside myself and serve my kids – this is a good suggestion.
Sharing your testimony of His mercy and His grace is one of the most important services you can offer. Bearing the burdens of others through acts of kindness and selfless service is part of your new life as a follower of Christ (see Mosiah 18:8).
I feel this ties right in with what I read earlier – about asking questions that inspire conversation and show my kids that I recognize how they feel.
President Benson said the following:
“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (“Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations,” Ensign, Dec. 1988, 4).
I feel this is a quote that would be great to memorize for our family. It’s all about submitting our will to God. It’s all about having His Spirit and strength with us moment to moment.
To me, this quote also confirms how Heavenly Father and His Son want me to be successful in ALL I do, not just spiritual success – although this is most important. As I submit my will to them, my joy will be deepened, my vision will increase (I will get ideas and insights I hadn’t thought of before), my mind will be quickened (I will have clarity on what I need to do to be most successful), my muscles will be strengthened, my spirit will be lifted, and my blessings will be multiplied, opportunities increased, and the list continues.
What more could I really ask for? It concludes by saying that “…whosoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life.”
I’m grateful for my study today. I feel I found answers that I was looking for. I’m excited to share them and practice them today.
I love my family. I feel so grateful to be married to such a wonderful person – my best friend. I’m so grateful for the Atonement that is helping us mend our marriage and heal the painful wounds I’ve caused.
I’m grateful for recovery.
I’m grateful for my understanding, a little more at least, of the power of submitting my will to God and letting Him direct me for good.
Hasta manana!
Nate
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